Wednesday Weigh-In: September re-cap

Week 1: -12 lbs
Week 2:   -4 lbs
Week 3:   -7 lbs
Week 4:  -2 lbs (This week)

As of today I've lost a total of 25 pounds!!  Am I happy?  You bet I am!  Am I proud of myself?  HELL YES!  Has it been easy?  No, not exactly.  I feel like my head is in the right place and I'm ready for this so I've been enjoying it, but the fat chick in the photo still tries to throw me off track with comfortable, old bad habits.  I'm determined to win this battle so she's going to have to just back off.

Goal for the week of September 27, 2010

Last week I paid special attention to portion sizes, specifically grains like rice, cereal and pasta.  I think I did all right.  I'm really getting the hang of the "eat less" side of my weight loss adventure. I'm especially mastering the art of eating protein. The "Rule of Palm" is working very, very well. 


Our 10th Anniversary at The Prospector Steakhouse

For example, on our 10th anniversary Eddy and I went out for dinner at a great local restaurant called The Prospector Steakhouse.  I decided I would eat whatever I wanted.  I ordered prime rib, but the smallest cut, 5oz.  Imagine my glee when it was served and I realized it was just about exactly the size of my palm!  I also had a baked potato with sour cream, cooked carrots, a nice assortment from the salad bar, one glass of an Australian Cabernet-Shiraz and the famous Prospector buns (hands down, yummiest buns ever.)  After dinner I was full, but not F U L L. It was nice.  My former dining out tendency was to eat and eat until I was overstuffed and uncomfortable.

I did eat more calories than I should have, but I felt no guilt.  None.  I decided to eat what I wanted just to prove to myself that I could return to my new normal eating habits the very next day, just like my regular-sized friends do.  This is what I long for.  I want to be able to celebrate a special occasion with a feast, but eat regular sized meals on all other days.  This is not my default setting.  What I’m used to is the common weight loss pitfall:  Overeating, saying “Oh well, I already screwed up this week”, perpetuating the food free-for-all, giving up and quitting.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I want to eat like a normal person. So that brings us to this week's goal. 

 

This week's goal:  Return to normal eating after a guilt-free evening of celebratory overindulgence. 

Funny.  It should be easy but it feels so unnatural. 

Ten Blissful Years

September 26, 2000.

The best day of my life. 

Happy 10th Anniversary babe. 

xoxoxo

Friday Confessional: Girlie Night is great, except for...

Every month I get together with two different groups of fab girls.  The family group = my adorable mom, her sister/my aunt, my cousin and my sister-in-law.  The girlie group = three of my closest friends, including one I’ve known literally my entire life.  In each group we take turns picking a restaurant, meet there and enjoy a nice evening of good food, great conversation and laughing til we hurt (I love that part.)  Girlie nights tend to go later than family nights and the conversation is usually quite a bit juicier. Heehee. I adore everything about these nights except the worry that builds before I walk into a place I’ve never been.  The fear?  The chairs.  If you’re my size you know exactly what I’m talking about.  Will I fit in the chair?  I’ll be so embarrassed if I don’t.  It's agonizing.  Luckily I haven’t had a problem in the three-or-so years we’ve been doing family/girlie nights.  Truthfully, I’m surprised.  I mean, my backside is really, really big. There have been tight squeezes in booths, but so far I haven’t encountered a chair that was too narrow for my massive butt.  My bottom is shrinking weekly so it won’t be long before I don’t even think about it.  Ha.  That will be different!  (That will be marvellous.)

Wednesday Weigh-In: This is CRAZY!

Today's was a shocking weigh-in.  Another 7 pounds down!  I can't explain it.  This is double what I was hoping for.  I did nothing different to cause such a big loss in week 3.  I haven't even added exercise to my daily routine yet.  Since Day One on September 2nd I have simply been eating smaller, healthier, balanced meals.  Perhaps my metabolism has woken up after several years of restful sleep.  Maybe this is my body's way of saying, "Look, lady, you can do this, don't stop." Whatever it is, I am not going to argue.  I'm just going to walk around all day with an enormous smile.

Goal for the week of September 20, 2010

My whole house is down with a wicked little cold virus.  It started with Coby on Friday.  On Sunday it got me and I slept from noon til 9pm, woke up for one hour, then went back to bed and slept another 8 hours.  Poor Eddy has it now. 

Now about the goals, last week's protein goal went super duper.  It's surprising how little protein a body needs to feel full. 

This week's goal:  Pay special attention to grain products.

The Canada Food Guide tells me that chickees my age need 6-7 servings of grains per day.  Some examples of one serving:  1 slice of bread, 1/2 whole grain muffin, 1/2 c. cooked rice or pasta, 3/4 c. cooked cereal, 2 c. plain popcorn, 1/2 tortilla, 1 small pancake, 1 small roll, 2 medium rice cakes. 

I am very good at sneaking an extra little bit of rice or pasta.  It might not show up on the scale right now, but eventually my sneakiness will stop working.  So, this week I am going to pay attention to grains by measuring my rice, pasta and cereal to make sure I am getting the right amount: no more, no less.

Friday Confessional: Turnstiles

We the obese have several enemies in the real world and few are as ruthless as the turnstile.  I’ve encountered only two in my little city.  Canadian Tire has one.  So does Blockbuster.  I avoid both places when I can because of the turnstiles.  I get through them both, but I have to go on my toes and twist my body just so if I want my passage to appear relatively normal.  When we go to Blockbuster I usually say to Eddy, “You pick something, I’ll wait in the car.”  He never questions it and I’m sure he has no idea I’m avoiding entry because of turnstile anxiety (I guess he’ll find out when he reads this, huh?)  When I do go in with him I make sure he goes first so he doesn’t have to watch me.

My two worst turnstile experiences were at Walt Disney World where there are turnstiles, turnstiles and more turnstiles everywhere you go.  Most are ok when I use my tippytoe/twist technique, but on two different visits I had trouble. 

The first: 2007 as we boarded the Walt Disney Railroad at the Main Street station.  It was far too narrow for me and I got stuck.  I was horrified.  I quickly managed to pull my body upwards and push through but the embarrassment had already happened.  People saw.  I smiled and carried on as if it didn’t happen.  I’m good at that.

The second:  2010 going into the Carousel of Progress.  Same thing.  I got stuck.  Dammit!  Again!  All the other turnstiles were manageable, but I guess the older, less spectacular, less popular attractions like the C of P still have older, narrower turnstiles that haven’t been upgraded to the roomier new models that take the population’s expanding waistlines into consideration.  To get stuck in it was a nightmare.  I wriggled out of it somehow but, once again, I was mortified.  Thankfully there was a huge downpour at that very moment so most other guests were running for cover and not witnessing my humiliation.

So, I’m not a fan of turnstiles.  Would you believe I feel anxious just writing about them?  Next time I’m at Walt Disney World I’ll be my goal weight and I’m going to march right up to the Main Street Railroad station or the Carousel of Progress just to proclaim victory over the turnstiles.

Reward #1

Every time I lose 10 lbs I am going to reward myself with something I really, really want.  This might actually be a bit of a challenge since I usually much prefer spending money on people I love rather than myself.  However, I'm trying to convince myself that this is not the least bit selfish.

So, I'm working on a list.  Most of the early rewards will cost very little.  Milestone rewards will be a bit bigger.  Then when I get near my goal, when the weight comes off a lot slower, I'll give myself more significant rewards.  I know me.  I know that as I get close to my goal I'll feel great and will probably tell myself that I've lost enough.  I want to do this all the way, so the reward list will be a good tactic to encourage myself to not give up.  The big reward will, of course, be the mambo lessons for Eddy and me.

Reward #1: New colour for fall

My first 10 pounds has been rewarded with something that is pricier than the average reward on my list, but it has given me a very nice confidence boost.  I went to a salon to get my hair coloured. The photo doesn't do it justice.  It's close to my natural light brown colour, but with some nice reddish shades for fall.  I love it!

Wednesday Weigh In: Woohoo!

4 more pounds down!  FOUR!  That's a total of 16 pounds so far.  After this week I expect my weekly losses to be slow and steady, like 1 or 2 pounds per week.  I'm feeling fantastic and very grateful for your support. xoxoxo

Goal for the week of September 13, 2010

Rule of Palm  (with cameo appearance by Hermione)

First a review of last week's goal, which was writing down everything I ate. 
Uh-oh!  I FORGOT to do it!  Whoopsie!  I think I still did well, though (we'll find out at Wednesday Weigh-In.)  I do want to keep track of what I eat, at least for the first few months of The Mambo Project, so I'll give the food journal much better effort this week. 

This Week's Goal:  Pay special attention to protein portions.

A year or so ago I saw a great dietician named Catherine who told me that a piece of protein (such as beef, chicken, fish, etc) should be the size of my palm.  That's a good rule of thumb (or rule of palm, I suppose).

Friday Confessional: Grade Two Field Trip

With Coby starting grade four, I decided this week’s Friday Confessional should be school related. As I filled out the school’s parent volunteer form, the option “field trip” reminded me of one experience that was pretty tough.

Two years ago, in grade two, Coby’s class went on a fantastic field trip to our local museum. I was quick to volunteer thinking the teacher could use extra help, especially because they would be riding city transit instead of a school bus. The bus stop was a short walk from the school, about two or three blocks. The teacher lead the way and I put myself at the back of the pack. I could barely keep up. The teacher and her group of 6/7 year olds were way too fast for me. I was huffing and puffing quite a distance behind as they rushed to catch the bus. My poor little kidlet kept coming back to ask me if I was ok. He was legitimately concerned. I was breathing very heavily. I was (and am still) so out of shape. I was afraid I would miss the bus, or worse, that the bus would have to wait for me with 20 pairs of little eyes watching. I was overcome with worry, thinking how embarrassing it would be for my son. Luckily, I made it to the stop just in time. I smiled and tried to hide my wheezing while, secretly, I was ashamed and wanted to cry. My worst weight-fear is that I will embarrass my son.

For me, making my son proud is essential.  I am using this as a great motivator to follow through, all the way through, with The Mambo Project.

Hug Check

Hug Check, September 8, 2010

It’s hard to make “pounds lost” something tangible for a nearly 9 year old, so Coby and I have come up with our own way for him to track my weight loss. Let’s call it The Hug Check. I told him to give me a great big hug and see how far he can reach around my waist then every month he can do another Hug Check and we’ll see the difference. 

Looks like his middle fingers are just barely touching.  I'm excited to see what October's Hug Check will look like.

Wednesday: Weigh In Day

Every Wednesday I'll be stepping on my scale.  Eek!

This morning - WOW - I am so excited to report my week one loss. Are you ready? I can barely believe this. 12 Pounds!!! Twelve! Holy Cannoli! I understand that the biggest loss happens in week one and this is not going to be typical. I was hoping for 5 or 6 or even 7...but 12? And, yes, I know it's mostly "water weight", but heck, that's 12 pounds of water that ain't gonna be on my bod ever again.

One very important note: I do not want this to discourage anyone. Trust me, 12 pounds is a small percentage of the total that I need to loose. If you want to loose 30 or 40 pounds, losing 2 or 3 pounds in the first week is amazing. When I get the courage to share my actual weight with you, you'll understand that 12 lbs is really just a drop in the bucket for me. That's why I'm taking this is small, achievable steps and celebrating all the little victories along the way.  I have to.  It's too overwhelming otherwise.

The Blizzard Test

Today I took Coby out for a first-day-of-school treat.  He asked for a Blizzard.  Mmmmmmm how I loooooove Blizzards.  Strawberry Cheesequake with extra stuff.  Ooooooh yeaaaaaah. I thought, "This will definitely test my will power."  Sitting at the drive-thru I expected to feel tempted.  But you know what?  I didn't feel tempted at all.  That surprised me.  I'm think I'm already starting to be less addicted to food and more addicted to the way I feel when I eat healthier.  Please, PLEASE let this last.

Monday: Goal Day

My original short term goal was to START. That’s all. Just start. Starting is the hardest part. Let me tell you, on Day 1 (September 2, 2010) I had a hard time. Old habits are part of me. It took enormous effort to stop my car from driving to a fast food joint on my lunch break. The fat chick in the photo was saying, “Go have a burger. You can start tomorrow.” Right. “Tomorrow.” Is that not our favourite word? I almost gave in. I came really close. But then I said “NO” to the fat chick and instead, I drove to a great, new little local market where I picked up a really nice salad and bottle of orange juice. And guess what? Afterwards I felt fantastic. I felt proud. I felt healthy. I felt empowered. I felt sexy. Yeah, that’s right. One little salad and I felt sexy!

Day 2 was a piece of cake. No, no, not a REAL piece of cake. The metaphor! Day 2 was 10x easier than Day 1. And by Day 4, yesterday, I already had more energy. So the hard part is over. I started.

September 2010, Day 1: Side view

As you can see by my Day 1 photo (side view this time), I have a long, long, long weight-loss road ahead of me. It’s more like a weight-loss interstate. This will have to be bigger than a one year plan. Mine is more like a THREE year plan (I’m hoping for 2.5 but planning for 3.) I believe I will have the best success if I set small, achievable goals each week and month in addition to the bigger goals.

Here’s the first official goal list:

       The BIG Goal: Weigh less than Eddy

       1st Year Goals (I have five):

            1. Lose 10 lbs per month

            2. Join a Gym and GO

            3. Get enough sleep

            4. Declutter my house (more about this another day)

            5. Remember that I don’t have to be perfect (more about THIS
                another day, too)

       September Goal: Study Canada's Food Guide, know it well and live it.

       This Week’s Goal: Start writing down everything I eat.

I don’t expect to keep a food journal forever. I’ll do it for a while until eating properly becomes a new habit. I googled how long it takes to form a new habit and found several different opinions - 21 days, 30, 66 and 100 days. I expect to need closer to 100 or more days before eating the proper foods in the proper amounts becomes a new habit.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Every Monday I will review my week and post my new goals.

First Friday Confessional

Every Friday I am going to write honestly about challenges or embarrassing experiences that I have had as an obese person. Some stories will be painful to write and you may even find them downright hard to read, but I need to share them for three reasons:

1. I want tell other obese people, “You are not alone. I know your fears.”
2. I hope my stories might help people understand the concerns of their obese family members or friends. This is the stuff that happens but we, the obese, are too embarrassed to tell you.
3. Remembering and writing about some of my worst experiences will remind me why I am doing this and help keep me on track.

I’ve written quite a bit of personal stuff already this week so my first Friday Confessional will be short and simple. I cannot get life insurance. I can’t even pay extra for being a higher risk. I tried, but was turned down by three (or was it four?) different insurance companies. As one agent politely explained, my “girth” is above the acceptable range. How scary is that?

Day 1

September 2, 2010

Here is my day one photo, taken this evening by Eddy (Swoon. I love that man.) Before today, this type of photo would meet the delete button. Fast. However, I needed a good full length “Before Photo” so here it is. Cankles and all.

I also stepped on the scale today. I’m not sharing that result, though. Noooooo way. Not yet, anyway. If you’re curious, just imagine what you think it is then add 50 or 60 pounds and you’ll be close. Nasty. But, hey, it’s ok. It’s a starting point.

One quick clarification...

This morning I was thinking in the shower (I do my best thinking in the shower) and I realized that I need to clarify my thoughts about bariatric surgery. I am not anti-surgery. I know three ladies who have had it and they are all happy and healthy. Each made her own right choice. I also understand that in some severe cases surgery is unavoidable. If the choice is lose weight quickly or suffer severe health problems, then there is no question that the lap-band or gastric bypass surgery can save your life. Me, I’m lucky that I have no imminent health worries so I had the luxury of choosing to say no to surgery. That’s all.

Who is that FAT chick in the photo?

I haven’t been fat my whole life. I was average for a short time in the mid 80s. But for the rest of my 40 something years I’ve been fat, fatter and fattest. Right now I’m fattest. I’m the girl you look at and wonder, “How did she let herself get so fat?” The short answer is this: I ate too much and moved too little. And the bigger I got, the harder it was to move so I just didn’t.

February 2010

One thing you need to understand about me is that when I look in the mirror I don’t see myself as fat as I am. And when my husband, my magnificent Eddy, when he looks at me, his loving eyes make me feel like a beauty. It’s not until I see myself in a picture that I’m startled and say, “Whoa. Who is that FAT chick in the photo?”

So, a few weeks ago I was with my MD and he was shocked, literally taken aback, when he saw the three digit number representing my weight. He said he knew I was heavy, but he had no idea I was that heavy. He said maybe it was time we talked about surgery. As in bariatric surgery. GASP! Surgery? Oh no, no, no. Surgery is not for me. Other people, sweet loving family members or friends trying to be helpful, had suggested surgery before (via my parents, or my husband), and I paid no attention, but this time it was official. It was my most trusted medical professional telling me it is time to consider surgery. When I left his office, for the first time in my life, I truly realized: This. Is. Serious.

We’ve already established that I won’t have surgery. And we’ve recognized that I got this fat because I ate too much and moved too little. Well, this should be easy, then. Right? All I have to do is eat less and move more. I can do that.

There will be challenges. There will be temptations. There will be cravings. Some days will be a breeze, but others days will be a full on war with the fat chick in the photo. But when she tells me that one container of Ben & Jerry’s won’t hurt, I’ll have to shut her up, then put on my sneakers. Yeah! I can do this! I CAN DO THIS!

Over the next few days I am going to establish a set of goals. Weekly goals, monthly goals, yearly goals. I’ll share those goals and record my successes (and my frustrations) here on the blog.

My ultimate goal is to weigh less than Eddy. I thought a great deal about what I would do first if I weighed less than Eddy and I decided that it would be totally cool if he could pick me up and twirl me around a dance floor. Something sexy like Latin dancing. Hence my Blog name: The Mambo Project.

So here it begins. The Mambo Project. My life changing quest to eat less and move more so I can stop being the fat chick in the photo.